just sad n venting

hello everyone :)

most of u know that i am recently separated - anyway im doing it pretty tough emotionally most of the time - in saying that i dont regret my decision what i am finding hard is the guilt that i carry regarding the pain i am causing my children :( mostly my son who is 12 - as he lives with his dad (as i gave both my children the choice of who they want to live with)- anyway he will come over for a couple of hours (if im lucky) but other than that he will not stay the night unless he HAS to - if his dad is working he stays at my parents house :( my daughter who is 10 primarily lives with me and spends time with her dad as well - which is a good thing.

I am doing my best and i know my little boy loves me and part of me thinks it is his little mind thinking that if he doesnt stay with me i will come back to his dad - i have made it quite clear to my boy that i never left him - i left his dad - and he is old enough to understand this - but hey doesnt take my pain away.

Look i know there is a lot of people in worse off situations - but im just venting.

thanks for listening

oh just wanted to add - i think what also bothers me is working in the welfare industry i am scared of any damage i may be doing to him as well - but maybe i am selfish but i am happy (besides the above obviously).

N if i go back its only solely to make my kids happy - then where does that leave me - it took every bit of emotional strength i had to leave in the first place n i think its worse to go back and then leave again etc oh well im just raving now

take care everyone

You only live once Purple.....and in saying this, you have to put yourself first sometimes, to be happy. Your son is young and eventually he will come round to the idea that his Mum and Dad are no longer together. Just give him time and if he needs to talk to you about the situation, then be there for him. Be open and up front and let him tell you how he is feeling on a whole....Good luck, T-rouble....

hey thanks for that - i am slowly getting there and i do no that he loves me - we will get there in the end. i have sum great friends in my life who are supportive and i can rely on

well just an update on my home life - i am still separated and i must say enjoying my freedom - sumtimes a bit to much hehehehehe.

My boy well we are re-establishing our relationship - he still doesnt stay the nite but he comes over and we speak on a regular basis and its nice. I am still hoping for him to come and stay with me a bit more often but i will never pressure him to do that.

So at teh moment i am reasonably happy where we are at and time hey time