what it's like.....

Well, I began dating a man who we are going to call Calvin. I met him in early June, and surprisingly, he didn't give off any vibes that he was homeless. He was really friendly and we exchanged numbers and all. He didn't tell me that he was homeless until 2 weeks later, and he was staying in an abandoned building. Usually, I am harsh to people not as fortunate, but for some reason I was really empathetic and sincere. One of the things that drew me into him was the story behind him becoming homeless... So after spending some time with him, I did see that he was constantly trying to get off the streets by looking for employment. I also did things from time to time such as buying him dinner when I got off work and allowing him to spend time with me at my house (I still live with my mom, and no she doesn't know that he is homeless) and going to the movies and amusement parks. Some people would say I was being used, I'd just say I was being me. I didn't do this out of sympathy, but because I'm in love with him and I want him to be able to share those moments with me. And I hated seeing him hungry and tired.


One of the things that I noticed is that he was hard on himself and didn't think that he had what it took to get a higher education. Plus, he had some serious emotional issues that made it hard at times to be with him. But I kept pushing through those issues, and reminded him that I love him. I encouraged him to look into Job Corps. At first, he hesistated to apply, but after my insisting, he finally signed up. 2 weeks before I left for college, he moved onto the campus and is loving it! He is trying to become a medical assistant and is pursuing the national guard. I'm just so fricking happy :)

But I have some questions to ask: Has anyone on here that has been or is homeless ever date someone that was not homeless? If you have, was it hard for you to maintain that relationship at all? How long did it last?

I have known a few homeless people that have been / are in relationships with someone that is not homeless.

Sometimes this relationship can originate from within the homeless sector itself, from staff members, or more often from the volunteer's that are working within the sector.
In the most part these relationships are discouraged and frowned upon by the powers that prevail. I have known volunteer's to lose their position because of this, and in one particular case a full time paid worker had to resign her position because of her ' friendship ' with a homeless guy.

Here in the UK there is an obvious ' them and us ' division that exists. As though the homeless people must be kept apart from anything that resembles the normal lifestyles that are common outside of homelessness.

Some guy's turn down a potential relationship because of the situation they are in. The lack of financial security, uncertainties about their future job / home prospects e.t.c. Being on the streets it can be very difficult for a guy to think along those lines when the future looks bleak for him. Taking on the responsibility of a emotional relationship with so many question marks hanging over his own life is not fair on the potential partner .. I have been there more than once. Better to hurt a little now, than hurt a lot later.

I wish you both well iwillseethelight, and I hope that it works out for you.

I can't believe I've found some experiences so close to mine. I was on the other side. I had someone who wanted a relationship with me whilst I was homeless. The person helped me so much. I had no clothes other than what I was wearing. He bought me new clothes to wear (a pair of trousers I still have to this day!) and he took me out to dinner and clubs etc.

I have to say, the people who open their eyes to the homeless are amazing. Although others may say that you are being used, please remember that the homeless person is always thinking of ways to get off of the street, how they got there in the first place, and even thinking of a place where they would love to be. Obviously this is very depressing. But when you take someone out to dinner, movies or even just spending time with them, you are taking their mind somewhere else so it keeps the will to survive and succeed much stronger. I don't know where I would be without all the people that supported me.

It's made me feel quite emotional that I am replying to someone who is basically in the shoes of someone who saved my life. Your attitude has made a difference to a life.

I wish you all the best of luck and my love.
LucieClara xXx
http://www.myspace.com/lucieclara