Need advice, about to become homeless..

as of the past few months, ive been getting increasingly frustrated with how things are going in my household. my dad comes home after i go to sleep, my mom shows no interest in me. i hate going to school, i get decent marks in school, i learn quickly and am good at memorizing facts and formulas. i just dont like going, theres just something intimidating about school that makes me nearly cry everytime i wake up in the morning. there are some days i dont get to talk to my dad at all, because he works from the time im at school to the time i go to sleep. my mom doesnt do anything for anyone, she used to cook and clean and take me places like shopping, now she just comes home, cooks for herself and goes in her room. and because of that, i have to hold the burden of cooking for myself and my dad, cleaning after myself and finishing homework before 10pm my parents barely talk to eachother, i hear them talking for a few minutes after im in bed. they never fight, or snap at eachother which is a good thing, but they barely speak. i cant live here anymore, i want to run away. but i dont know how i will find basic essentials like food and a warm place to sleep, im only 14 and in the 9th grade. i go to a small catholic school, with only about 30 kids in the 9th grade..i have very few friends. i talked to my friends about this, they are telling me to wait it out until things smoothen out. its been like this for 5 months, i dont see it getting any better.

in case i end up running wayward, has anyone got any advice on how to live my life without a roof and money?

I understand how hard it is to be so good at school but have such trouble there. I was a straight A student but I hated being there getting picked on which made life hard.

But I was fortunate enough to have a good home life.

Have you tryed talking to your mum and dad about how you feel? Sometimes it takes someone to put it out there before they realise the situation they are currently in.

Living on the streets isnt the easy way out you will be even more lonely and will have very little support, the streets are full of drugs and other things which would be much worse than a home with people who ignore you and school you don't like.

My advice would be to hand in there and wait till you are finished school and you will be able to get a job and a flat and avoid trying to build ur life up from on the street.

Anyways thats just my opinion.

Ciao

- Joel

hi there...gee i'm sorry about your parents falling apart...sounds like your mum is really unhappy and lost the love of life....
do you know that you can do homeschooling....it works great for kids who don't enjoy the school environment.....you only have to do 15 hrs or so of curriculum studies per week...no homework....this would give you more time during the day to get your chores done and make dinner.
if you like this idea a to talk to a social worker at school .... if not talk to your teacher or principal about the difficulties you are having juggling school work and having to take care of yourself at home...cos' your mum can't right now...you don't have to give too much details...but request homeschooling
cheers

Hi Attiusxca,

Welcome to the forums, I'm very sorry to hear of your situation. That must be really hard, being so young, to have to be the adult of the house and deal with school too. I can definitely understand where you're coming from, wanting to leave, and I'm really glad you've posted and asked for some advice.

It sounds like you're not sure what's going on with your mum, but it seems that over the last few months for her there's been a dramatic change. Have you tried to talk to her or your dad about how that's affecting you, or what's going on? I understand if you haven't, I didn't talk to my mum much about what was happening for me before I left home, as I didn't think she could do anything about it. In hindsight I wish I had talked to her more, I still think it was best to leave home but maybe I wouldn't have ended up homeless if I talked a bit more and didn't deal with everything myself. I guess you don't get much time to talk to your dad already, but this is something really important, it's making you want to leave home, do you think your parents would talk with you more if they knew you want to leave, or just get angry? What does your dad think about you doing all the work? Does he know who cooks his dinner every night or how you're coping doing homework too?

I also think it sounds like you might be a bit down, depressed, not wanting to go to school and stuff, which can hit during adolescence anyway, but is almost unavoidable if you're 14 trying to be the adult in the household, and do school and friends too. You must be a really strong young person though, to just shoulder the responsibility and soldier on to this point. But you shouldn't have to, you're young, a teenager, who's entitled to enjoy school and have a good home life. You should have support also, sounds like you could really use some support from an adult in your life (obviously friends don't always understand what you're going through, not all adults do either but they may have some more ideas or options to give you).

I agree with what Joel and Fudge are saying, about your options and the reality of the streets. One thing you have got going for you is that unlike alot of people you've reached out for some advise. So you have options now, you can decide what is the best path to improve your situation. I would advise that you don't want to leave home for homeless shelters or the streets. These will most likely be much worse than your current situation. You'd be ignored on the streets like you weren't even human, and it's a very fast track to drug addiction, a criminal record, chronic mental illness, trauma, and death. Especially for someone as young as yourself. Also when I was at school, it was a christian school who didn't believe that their kids had any problems, so I didn't know about other options, and just went onto the streets. But I wish I didn't. So I'd really encourage you to look at other options, because there are better alternatives.

Like fudge said, there's things like distance education, which you can do anywhere at your own pace, and there's also options like adult learning and community learning, you don't have to be at home to complete your education, and you seem like a bright spark so I think it would be good to stay in school, but obviously that's hard at the moment. If you could provide the general area you're located in we might be able to give you a list of youth services that could help, there's plenty out there.

It also might be a good idea to find an adult that you trust and talk to them about your situation. Are there any ok counsellors or youth workers at your school? Do you have any relatives you could talk to? These forums are great for some support and advice, but it'd be better to talk with someone face to face. Maybe if you talked to a teacher also, they'd understand how it's hard to do homework and stuff. It just seems like you're doing it all on your own at them moment, just telling your friend (who doesn't seem to really understand) and not getting any support, and wanting to leave. If you want to leave home right away, and don't know who you can talk to, I'd suggest to at least get in touch with a youth service in your area so they can get you some alternative accomodation, and you don't end up on the streets.

You're obviously very strong, stick in there, take care and Please post back!

Sk8r girl.

I dont know who you are ,but reading your message i could see my daughters story in in your words..probably there are no words i can say that makes you feel any better...but one thing i can share with you...i have seen filipa trying to run away from home ,for very similar reasons,as you are describing...and i can tell you with all my heart and tears of pain running down my face,that we love her more than words can ever say..and so i begg you my child ,to be patiente,to talk to a friend,to cry for help to a stranger,but a safe stranger...community services,or childrens hotline,i can help you to get numbers,but more importante try to talk to your family,u r loved,i can assure you that!! i understand your pain..samething is happening with ur mum and dad,there has to be a way of communicating,i promiss,u r not alone! but you will be ,if you get on the streets..its an ugly road...please dont leave home..you are loved,there are people that care for you..ICARE!
lOVE LURDES

A few people have posted in reply to your original post. You are intelligent enough and old enough and obviously responsible enough to take from their advice / insight what you will and make sense of it from your own perspective.

Everyone here is very concerned for you, in their own way. Given that you are 14 already, you would be able to appreciate that.

The most important thing I know that I want you to remember regardless of anything is the people in this forum care about you and how you are going... regardless of what decision you make and where your life takes you, we will always be here for you. No matter what we will always be here.

Attiusxca, it's possible your parents may have depression.

I don't know where you live, but if it's in Australia, you could visit a GP or a Community Nurse and talk it over with them. There are a lot of young people in similar positions to you. So they may have found solutions for them that you could use.

With any luck they will be able to convince your parents to come in themselves.
The best case scenario(if it is depression) is your parents go on some tablets and in a few weeks go back to being how they used to be.

That'd be good, ne? :)
Konstantin.

Hey Attiusxca, it sounds like you're really unhappy.
I ran away a couple of times before I actually became homeless so I know how it feels to need to escape.
Life on the streets is hard though and if you do go through with running away you need to make sure you're as prepared as possible. Clothes, toiletries, money. You need to think about where you'll sleep and what you'll eat. How you'll keep yourself safe. I was jumped one night when I was sleeping and had all my money taken off me and there was nothing I could do. It was either hand over the money or get bashed.
The streets are dangerous, and lonely, and cold, and once you're on them it can be hard to find your way off.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you check back in here and let us all know how you're doing. We'll be thinking of you.
*hugs*

Attiusxca,

I have suffered with clinical depression for 18 years and it all came to a head in 2001 or early 2002, I can't remember. When someone don't feel like getting out of bed or someone who sleeps more than 8 hours a day, this is the strongest sign of depression.

Let me ask you a few qucik questions.
Have you lost all interest in things you used to enjoy?
Do you feel as though life is not worth living?
Have you ever talked to someone about suicide, like a friend or social worker?
Have you lost the desire for food or have you started eating more than usual?

If you could answer yes to at least one of these, you my friend, need to vist a doctor as soon as you can.
Please don't run away feeling like you do now, you will be dead within a month if you do.
Homelessness is one of the most depressive situations you will ever be in.

Thank You Very Much,
Chaplain D

PS If you love your parents, try to get them to go with you. They will thank you in the end.

Until we hear back from the original poster... lets stop posting.

Listen Kid At Your Age The Streets Are Dangerous You Are Fresh Meat Out There And The Proffesional Street People Will Have A Field Day With You And Because You Have No Clue You May End Up Dead For It

Unless You Know What You Are Doing And Aware Stay Off The Streets

If You Are Being Abused At Home Report It To The Proper Authorities And They Can Help You Without Being On The Streets

Sorry for gravedigging, I just wanted to say thank you for all of your concerns and advice. I was able to make a good decision talking to my school's guidance counselor and parents. my parents got a divorce in May because they were very unhappy with eachother. My mom was considered mentally (or medically, i forgot which one) unable to raise a child by court so im living with my dad. i am very happy and so is he ever since he got the divorce. i miss my mom from time to time, shes living with my aunt and has been recieving on and off psychiatric treatment, i still e-mail her but I realized tha my parents decision to divorce was for the better. I am very happy right now,. Thank you all so much for helping me realize if i just run away from my problems, id inevitable run into more on the streets.

Hi Attiusxca,

Thanks for keeping us updated on your situation. I'm pleased that things are improving for you and that you have found some happiness.

Many people think that they can run from their problems. In reality wherever someone runs to they take the contents of their heads with them. That cannot be escaped from.
Street life is no haven for anyone regardless of their dilema, and DUMPSTERDAVE is correct in what he is saying. The streets for many turn out to be a living nightmare that proves to be a downward spiral of violence, drugs and alcoholism to mention just a few. Society tends to look down on homeless people, and that alienates the homeless from society. It's a classical case of the "catch twenty two " scenario.

Good luck, and I hope that things turn out better for you in the future, Stay with us on the forums if you care to .. You are most welcome.